Monthly Archives: July 2016

The key of happy couples that you should know

They might be 30, or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it!

How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”

Happy Couples and Their Secrets

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.

Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

3. Spend time together.

There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for “separateness.”

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.

5. Make the most of your differences.

Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.

Considering having an affair

People have extra-marital affairs for all sorts of reasons but primarily because there is something lacking within their marriage. If you are considering having an affairit is likely that you are seeking an escape from an unhappy marriage.

You shouldn’t underestimate the power of affairs; however liberal society has become, affairs remain a common cause of divorce. However it is very rarely the affair itself that is the root cause of the marriage breakdown – often the affair is theaffect rather than the cause – the final nail in the coffin.

Affairs happen because of unresolved conflict so before you act on your impulses try to work on the core issues, if put right then maybe, just maybe, your marriage could get back on track.

So why not look at these three common reasons for having an affair and take note of our recommended advice.

Lack of physical intimacy

This is one of the most cited reasons for marriage break-ups and affairs – for both men and women. A dull or infrequent sex life can ruin the bond between the couple even if they feel they still have a strong emotional connection. Put simply; many people start to look outside of their marriage for romance and intimacy if it is lacking within.

Our Marriage Advice: Don’t wait for your partner – take action yourself. Compliment him to show him that you still fancy  him, consciously become more tactile with him whenever you are together, send racy texts when he’s on his way home from work or start the day with morning sex and put a smile on his face all day!

Don’t let your sex life decay; take action now to bolster your physical connection. You should also remember that there is a close connection between physical and emotional intimacy so check out our next point too.

Lack of emotional intimacy

In this day and age there is more opportunity for women to have affairs – many from close friendships in the workplace, at the gym or on social networking sites. Friendships with the opposite sex can become more intense if there is a lack of emotional intimacy at home. You can find yourself confiding more in your friend, perhaps telling him things that you don’t discuss with your husband. Typically your friend becomes the person that you call and text throughout the day to share your news and feelings. Even if you are at home with your husband you are still in regular contact with him.

Having a close friendship that replaces some or all of the emotional intimacy you should have with your spouse can lead to affairs. Some also consider this close friendship to be ’emotional infidelity’ even without the physical affair.

Our Marriage Advice: Be careful to set boundaries in your friendships. Take steps to ensure you and your husband have time to chat and share. Ideally you should incorporate physical affection when you talk so give him all those ‘I love you’ signals; snuggle up together on the couch, hold hands, touch him when you pass by him and so on.

Control Spending Tips

A look at your bank statements and bills reveals that your money is slipping away like sand that slips through your fingers. You have been married for only a short time, and your spending is out of control. Is your spouse to blame? Not so fast! Think as a team, and consider some factors that may have caused both of you to get into this predicament. *

WHY IT HAPPENS

Adjustment. If you were living at home before you got married, you may be new to the world of paying bills and sharing expenses. It could also be that you and your spouse have different approaches to money. For example, one might be more inclined to spend while the other is more inclined to save. It takes time for a couple to adjust and develop an agreed-upon method of handling money.

Like weeds in a garden, debt that is ignored will simply grow—and grow

Procrastination. Jim, now a successful businessman, admits that when he was a newlywed, his poor organizational skills cost him dearly. “Because I delayed paying bills,” he says, “my wife and I ended up spending thousands of dollars in late fees. We ran out of money!”

The “invisible money” trap. It is easy to overspend when you cannot see the money leaving your wallet or purse. That may be the case if you handle most of your transactions by credit or debit card, Internet purchasing, and electronic banking. The lure of easy credit can also make it easy for newlyweds to overspend.

Whatever the cause, money issues can tear at the seams of your marriage. “Most couples report money as a top problem, no matter how much they have,” says the book Fighting for Your Marriage. “Money is a ripe area for conflict.”

 WHAT YOU CAN DO

Resolve to cooperate. Instead of blaming each other, work as a team to bring spending under control. Decide at the outset that you will not allow this issue to drive a wedge between you.—Bible principle:Ephesians 4:32.

Set up a budget. Write down all of your expenses, no matter how small, for a month. That will help you to figure out where your money is going and to identify any unnecessary expenditures. “You have to stop the bleeding,” says Jim, quoted earlier. “That’s a saying in medicine and in business.”